Let's talk deep shit. I'll warn you now that this journal talks about suicide, so if you're easily disturbed by the topic, I'd suggest not reading it.
In some way, I'm glad that 13 Reasons Why was issued, because it's gotten a lot of people thinking and talking about the issue of suicide and the romanticizing of it through the media.
I've met quite a few people who have pondered the action of committing suicide. I have met a number of people who have actually attempted it. Thankfully, I can count the number of people who have went through with it on one hand.
In middle school, suicide was a fad. Everyone seemed to be talking about it. Everyone treated it like it was old news and it was the "popular" thing to associate yourself with. I never sunk to that fad, as I thought it was quite silly and inconsiderate to do so. I never really understood the gravity of wanting to kill yourself until I experienced it for myself.
When I was a baby, I was being babysat by a family friend who had recently dropped drugs and was on the road to recovery. At some point, something snapped in his head and he hung himself on the back porch while my parents were gone. My parents came home to a dead friend and an unsupervised baby who never saw a thing - thank god.
I could never understand why my parents' friend did what he did. He must have been in a dark, dark place... The place, I imagine, where demons and humans drink tea together. I thought suicide was the most selfish thing a person could do, and I still think that, but it wasn't until I was about fourteen that I finally understood what might drive someone to take their own life.
From December of 2012 to the Summer of 2014, I was drinking tea with my demons. I have no real way of putting that pain into words. It's like being possessed. I didn't feel like myself. I was so tired. I was tired of everything. I was tired of talking, explaining myself, going places, pretending to care, losing things, becoming attached to things, monitoring my own health and mental state, etc... Everything the human world offered, I was so tired of it. I thought so many times, "if this is what life is like, I don't want anything to do with it."
No one's "dark place" is exactly like someone else's. It's not beautiful. It's not glamorous. It's something a lot of people don't even want to think about. It's a very hollow feeling. No one on this planet deserves to know what that dark place looks or feels like.
13 Reasons Why really pissed me off because it fondled the fantasies of a lot of younger folks who are angry at the world. It touched in places that you simply cannot go to. In some cruel way, it made all young people who are seriously going through thought of suicide look like attention seeking pricks who only care about themselves. THAT is what pissed me off the most.
Please. For the love of whatever the hell you believe in. DO NOT think that suicide is gonna help you "get back" at anyone. Suicide, believe it or not, affects more than just one person. Someone always gives a shit. Someone always cares.
An ex drug addict who never did a productive thing in his life was missed by an entire family that wasn't even his.
But I did say that I'm somewhat glad that 13RW was release... I say this because it showed us what suicide can do to those around us. It tears people apart. It drives people to have their first cup of tea with that demon. It's not romantic. It's not beautiful. It's not even tragic. It's fucking horrible. "Tragic" is too nice of a word.
My parents were shattered by the death of their friend and were never the same.
I pray that someday we will move past these stereotypes about this dark and uncomfortable topic. I pray that 13RW gets shoved into the shadow of infamy with only one lesson learned from it... Never do what these directors did. Never glorify suicide. Never romanticize it. Never let it reach glory. Never let it become "old news."
And, above all, never let someone with feelings/thoughts of suicide go snuffed out because the media is too busy glorifying it...
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
You don't need to be in an emergency to contact this number. If you just need someone to talk to, that's allowed. You won't be turned away. No matter what age you are or what situation you're in, they will help you.